https://www.dralisoncook.com/when-you-lose-yourself-in-love/
When you lose yourself in love
April 29, 2021 by Alison Cook
It happens all the time. At first, your new love relationship felt great. But, over time, you started to notice cracks in the foundation. Maybe your spouse changed, or started to show true colors that were there, but hiding, all along. Or, maybe you are the one who is changing. Maybe you committed to someone else before you knew yourself, and buried parts of you are starting to show up. Perhaps you entered into this relationship with unrealistic expectations. You thought you could change him with your love, only to discover you’re exhausted. Or, maybe you slowly started to set yourself aside in order to meet some clear, albeit unspoken, expectations. You notice yourself wondering about any of the following:
- “Why was I first drawn to this person?”
- “When did he start treating me this way?
- “How did I get so lost in this relationship?”
No matter how it happened, you are discovering that you have lost yourself in love. Instead of becoming more of the person God wants you to become, you’re a remnant of yourself. Instead of feeling confident, clear, and ready to serve others as a team, you notice yourself consumed by this relationship. You might be:
- feeling anxious all the time
- trying to control his behaviors
- resentful even as you try to keep the peace
- going through the motions; pretending like things are fine
- numbing out your feelings through food, substances, or entertainment.
Over the past two decades, I’ve worked with hundreds of women who feel lost in their most intimate relationships. Many of them aren’t sure why or what went wrong. Often, they are angry at their spouse and convinced he is the one who needs to change. Sometimes, he is the main source of the problem. Sometimes he isn’t. However, whether it’s his fault or not, the truth is: change can only start with you.
