男人對他們所愛的女人有什麼期待？身材、外貌、能力、家世、個性也許都可能，但一段真誠的親密關係始於當男方感受到女方“真正愛他”。
去“真正愛一個男人”的意思是:避免批評他愛你的動機；避免把他放進性別分類內——譬如挑剔男人總是這樣，男人總是那樣；去了解他的能力，避免要 求他付出超過他所能付出的；以及避免在關係出現問題時，總是不公平地把責任全推卸到他身上。
在與數百名男士暢談他們理想的親密關係後，蒐集 了以下的“男人宣言”:
“當我提出她使我感到壓力時，她能夠欣然接受，而不指責我吹毛求疵或不愛她。我希望她能夠依我 們討論的方法將彼此關係拉近。”
“她能承認自己也有自私的一面，我不是唯一以自我為中心的人，她自己對於愛情的付出也有限，甚至有時她只 是利用我去滿足她的要求；此外，我也不希望她潛意識裏隱藏著一些對男人的刻板印象及負面感覺。”
“她知道溝通應該是雙向的。當我們爭執後 能平靜地討論原因，我希望她知道我的激烈反應有部分受她影響所致。我不希望被指為是“有問題的一方”或“不懂如何愛人”
“她愛的是真正的 我，而不是她幻想中完美的我。我不希望自己只是去滿足她的浪漫幻想，因為我知道現實並非如此，結果可能會令她更失望。”
“她不會因我或我 們的關係而犧牲她身邊的其他事物；因為她這樣做，會使我感到被迫付出多於我願意付出的。換句話說，我希望我所愛的女人能夠了解:當我付出比她期望的少，不 一定是我的錯。”
“她能夠容許我有自己的意見，不會認為我的意見不當，而強迫改變我。”
“當碰到問題 時，她能夠與我並肩作戰；當我們發生爭執時，她能夠視它為一種拉近彼此距離的溝通方法，而不會認為我提出問題是在找麻煩。”
“她不會過分 要求我超越自己的能力去令她快樂。我也不希望她改變自己來迎合我，並希望我為她的犧牲負責，“她不要只告訴我對我們的關係有任何不滿， 而是要提出一些如何改善的方法。我不希望老是得猜測她的想法，現在她是否不高興？當問題出現時，被告知它的存在是不夠的；我更希望她與我一同解決問題。”
“我也許是比較自我的人，但我不希望我的動機被誤會；更不希望當我有甚麼做得不恰當時，就被認為是不重視這份感情。”
“她能夠給 予我所希望得到的；而不是她希望我得到的東西。”
“她不會過分高估或低估我，我只是一個普通人——有優點亦有缺點，我跟她一樣也有脆弱的 一面。”
What man expect from the woman he love?
Appearance, ability, personality, but a genuine intimate relationship began when the man felt the woman "really love him."
To "really love a man" means: to avoid the criticism of his love motivation; avoid him into sex inside - such as saying, a man always like this; to understand his ability, in order to avoid asking him too much attention than he can give; and to avoid blaming him on any problems in the relationship.
Talking with hundreds of men, we can collect the following, "Declaration of men":
"When I proposed that she made me feel pressure, she was able to embrace, rather than accuse me of nit-pick or not to love her. I hope she can use our method of discussion to establish a closer relationship with each other."
"She could admit that they are also have a selfish side, I am not the only self-centered people who has limitation in giving love , and sometimes she just use me to satisfy her request; Besides, I do not want her subconsciously hide the stereotype thinking of men and negative feelings through men
"She knows it should be a two-way communication. When we can calmly discuss the dispute after the reasons, I hope she know that I have a fierce reaction from her effects. I do not want to referred as a" party in question "or" do not know how to love "
. "
"She loved the real me, not her fantasy of the perfect me. I do not want just to satisfy her romantic fantasies, because I know the reality is not the case, the outcome could be even more disappointed with her."
"She will not, because of me or our relationship, expense other things around her; because she spoiled the things around her , I would feel forced to pay more attention than I am willing to pay. In other words, I hope the woman I love would able to understand the : When I pay less than she expected, not necessarily my fault. "
She will allow me to have my own opinions, won’t think my comments is not properly, and force me to change. "
"When it comes to questions, she will fight side by side with me; when we had a dispute, she was able to see it as a communication for narrowing the distance between each other, and do not think I raised the question is for trouble."
"She will not be too much asked me to go beyond my own capacity to make her happy. I do not want her to change herself for me and want me to be responsible for her sacrifice," she won’ t just told me any dissatisfication in our relationship, but rather to propose some ways to improve the method. I do not want to always have to guess her thoughts, and now is she upset? When problems exist, I don’t want to be told of its existence; I also hope that she will join me in solving the problem. "
"I may be selfish, but I do not want my motives have been misunderstood; when I have any inappropriate, I don’t want to be considered as the feelings of neglect."
"She could give me what I wish I would have; rather than giving what she hope me to get."
"She will not be too over-or underestimate me, I'm just an ordinary person - there are advantages there are disadvantages, she and I has the fragile side."
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說起來，我也不知道甚麼時候會有這篇英文版的
這個話題，正是我這禮拜上課提到的
說到上課就很無奈，很不想這樣
正好進入本論時候，我就要離開去打火車了
這禮拜，就要好好的學習 (希望有時間吧)上課的 3 個問題
1. 異性最常帶給我們的困擾是甚麼?
2. 你想女人比較需要甚麼?比較容易從甚麼感受到愛?
3.你想男人比較需要甚麼?比較容易從甚麼感受到愛?
除了這個...當然還有很多很多要學習的，需要去了解和存在腦子的
存款的智慧.....
側聽就是愛，了解中有醫治 --- 黃維仁博士
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